Not even one thing

I try to keep my blog very eclectic, as I hope you have noticed. This week, I have been inspired by a verse from John 3.

"John answered them and said, 'A person is not able to receive even one thing, unless it has been given to him from heaven.'"     -John 3:27

John the Baptist was famous. Everyone knew who he was, and almost everyone went out to be baptized by him. But after Jesus came on the scene, everyone was going to Jesus instead of John. And this angered a few people. These people asked John what was up with everyone going to Jesus instead of him, and this is what he said, "A person is not able to receive even one thing, unless it has been given to him from heaven."

How hard it is to digest this. To take it in, break it down, and make it part of my very DNA. God is Provider. This is the building block of life; nothing comes to us except by his hand. We get nothing except what God gives us.
So then, we are waiters. We wait for God to provide. We wait to receive the blessings and the curses. We wait to make war and peace. We wait on heaven.

And we pray. "Your kingdom come, Your will be done..."

But there is more. Even as John the Baptist stood there telling people that he could only receive what God gave him, he was not only waiting. He was doing- John the Baptist was still baptizing (John 3:23). Why? Why would he do such a thing when he wasn't getting results? "The Baptizer" should be baptizing, but someone else was doing that now.

He was called to baptize, so he did it. In the midst of waiting on heaven, he wasn't passive. He did what God appointed him to do. Whether he failed or succeeded, whether he saw growth or loss, he would baptize and preach.

I like to wait. It's nice waiting sometimes, because when you're waiting, you don't have to do anything. You just... wait. It's all God anyway.
Other times, I like to do. I get tired of waiting, and I start to think, "I need to get things done, because if I don't, it's not going to happen."

My wife and I recently had to move apartments, because we were on the third floor (an issue if you're pregnant), we had a really bad landlord, and we had a serious roach infestation. And I was waiting for God to act. I was waiting to see him do something amazing in our situation- get us into a new apartment and not have to worry about these stresses anymore. I was waiting. And nothing was happening. Telling my landlord we wished to move and having our place up for rent again was not enough. Especially not for my wife...

At the prodding of my wife, I was finally moved to take up the cause and be more active. I did something. I started to do some searching, do some calling and visiting, and do some talking with my landlord. After a couple nasty exchanges with the man and a visit to another apartment, we were on our way out and into a new apartment. We had to forfeit our security deposit, unless he could get someone to rent it by the end of the month we moved (after 2 months of being available already...).

I am thankful for a wife who pushed me to action, otherwise we might still be in that crappy old Ramled apartment! But in the midst of my doing, I forgot to wait on God. However, God was still ready to give. The day before we would have had to forfeit our security deposit, someone moved into our old apartment! While we did something, God was always at work providing for us.

This is just an example, but it has highlighted for me the reality that God provides in the midst of us doing as well as waiting. It is up to God when he will give, what he will give, and how he will give it. And for that, I am hesitantly thankful. Sometimes I want what I do to count, and other times I want to get without doing anything. But it is up to God.

We have received so much from God already. Not to mention life, family, food, etc., this weekend we celebrate the death and resurrection of Jesus. God has granted us pardon and has promised us resurrection and eternal life through this very man.While we wait to receive so much- a baby, a spouse, a new job, healing, even eternal life!- God has things for us to do. So, if you've gotten lazy from waiting or self-reliant from doing, go out and do, even as you wait to receive even just one thing from our Father in heaven.

The colors in between

The sun descends beneath a curtain of colors,
burning its way to another place,
leaving behind a slowly fading fire in the sky.
Darkness settles, warning people:
Without light there is no warmth, no community. 

Hell must be like night,

without a sun. 
No tapestries arrayed with yellow, red, blue,
and all the colors in between.
No kindness from others, no shining smiles,
no summer days outside, with lemonade.
At best, a gray sky,
a desire to see the rising of the sun,
an eternal desire to escape despair.
 
The sun comes back, heralded by gold, and crimson,
rising like a flame to engulf the land. 
Darkness flees across the expanse, faster than it had settled.
Victory is declared, and it is day once more,
as the furious fire climbs higher in the sky.

Heaven must be like daytime,

always warm, with a shining sun,
nothing left untouched by the radiance.
The sun will never rise,
for he has already risen.
And never set,
for he will never leave.
The colors in between will be ushers no longer,
signaling the end of one day, and the beginning of the next.
They will be the bride herself,
dressed in a scarlet robe, and a golden crown,
wrapped in a purple sash- the paintings of a princess.
No more beginnings and ends,
we will be satisfied, dancing, in the eternal light.

More than words

Nothing in my life could have prepared me for March 4th. I had never had any experience close to it, and no moment has been able to compare since. Being awakened with news that is beyond comprehension, crazier than the dreams that were just floating through your brain. My father's words reverberated through my ears, and my eyes were not yet able to take the weight of the broken world in: "There was an accident. Three of your classmates are dead."

Not just three of my classmates. Three of my friends. Three of the 52 students that made up my high school class. Three people that had been with me since elementary school. Lisa McDonald, Carrie Herbst, Dan Perger. The first girl who made fun of me, my first "girlfriend" (it was 6th grade, it's not actually dating at that age). It all didn't sink in until my father said that Dan had died. Of course he had saved this one for last. It killed him as much as to say it as he knew it would hurt me to hear it, the son of our pastor and the boy I had grown up playing with at church. The boy with whom I shared rides to and from basketball practice.

My life was rocked. It was like God was shaking the snow globe of Ethan Luhman; God was shaking the snow globe of South Wayne, and everyone was trying desperately to find their way back to a solid foundation. How are you to process such catastrophe? There is one way, and one way only- through tears. The same tears that come even after eight years.

This is not how it should be. This is not how it should be. We know death is bad and wrong, but sometimes it takes three people dying to be confronted with how terrible it is. I had to be a pallbearer at the age of 15, in my grandfather's suit, looking like hell. At Dan's funeral, I remember having the opportunity to say something, but I could not. I was sitting in the front row of the gymnasium, but the distance still seemed to be much too far. Words were not coming to me. I had the memories and the moments. But it was not in my power to stand up and tell everyone how great Dan the Man Perger was and how much I am going to miss him. As the bagpipes played Amazing Grace, I could do nothing but weep.

I missed the opportunity to let everyone who cared know how much I cared. But at the age of 15, I learned that words can only do so much. The snow globe settles again, and life is comfortable. I have words now. I have things I could tell you; I could tell you about Dan's Confederate flag, his southern heart, and his interest in history. But I have more than words now. I need more than words to communicate to you that Dan, Carrie, and Lisa had an impact on me. They still have an impact on me and on the way that I live.

I was challenged by my "loving" God. It seemed almost counter-intuitive. Trust in an all-powerful God when he doesn't stop three young people from dying? But I did trust. I couldn't make excuses for God, and he does not need me to. I saw Jesus, who came to this earth, to be among his own broken people, to give them more than words. He went to the poor and gave them his time. He went to the diseased and touched them. He healed the sick, raised the dead. Jesus cared about people who were suffering. He cared more about Dan, Carrie, and Lisa, and their families, than I ever could have. Not everyone liked Jesus, and how much he cared for the hurt and lost, so they killed him. God himself went through a gruesome death, and the people who loved him were torn apart, just as I was at the loss of my friends.
This is not how it should be.  I saw Jesus, who did something about death. He confronted it, and he defeated it. He defeated disease, evil, and pain, and he has promised to wipe away every tear from our eyes. My God can do anything, and where I see brokenness, I know God has a plan to bring healing and restoration. He has a plan to bring more than words.

So, eight years later, I finally stand up, to speak. And this is what I have to say: these last eight years I have been trying every day to tell the world that Dan, Carrie, and Lisa matter to me, that their lives and deaths matter to me. I have tried to do it through more than words. I have tried to do it by caring and loving those around me. And I will continue to do this, until Death is no more. Until Jesus comes to us, to wipe away our every tear.