A Day Forgotten, A Life Lived

I had just gotten back from a trip to Guatemala, and I began to write down some of the memories I made, the highlights that hung on tight. After I had written down some of my experiences, I wrote the date of one experience: 3-4-14. And that's when it hit me.

March 4th had come and passed. And I didn't even notice.

To you, March 4th might not mean anything. But to me, it marks a day of life change. It marks a day that has marked every day after it. It is a day that requires reflection, demands my attention, demands my life be put on pause. March 4th is a day I have written about many times (here, and here, not to mention countless notebook pages), maybe the renewal of my self- and God-discovery through writing. I don't know what else to do with what goes on in my soul on March 4th.

I lost three friends in a car accident on March 4th (3-4-05), and ever since that truly terrible tragedy, every March 4th has been a reflective day in my life. I made a public promise to live my life remembering the lives of Dan, Carrie, and Lisa. I demanded that others do the same, patterning their lives in a way that would show honor and respect for those who no longer live. I commanded my community and school to live differently. And when I forgot to remember the day, I felt a tinge of guilt in my heart. I felt like a betrayer, one who has forgotten about those he has sworn himself to. Have I left their lives in 2005? Have I forgotten my friends?

I stopped writing for a long moment. My eyes continued on to the story I had just written. It was about Manuel, and Carlos. It was about visiting them, and their little village nestled between farmland and banana plants at the bottom of an active volcano in El Rincon, Guatemala. I could tell you the rest of their story, but that will be saved for another day. As I read over the words I had just written, I realized something profound.

I was living out the promise I made. I was doing exactly what I should have been doing. I was serving other people, showing them that their lives mattered, telling them that they are special. I wasn't focused on reserving a special moment for meditation, but rather I had refocused my life to accomplish a mission. I had promised to honor Dan, Carrie, and Lisa, by showing love and compassion to the world, especially those who need it the most. And I was doing just that.

It is easy to live in fear when we lose loved ones. We are afraid to forget what they meant to us, and miss important days (I remember January 3rd, too!). And these days can keep us from weeks and years of living our lives. What I realized is that I honor these people through living, and not through fearing. Maybe you have lost a loved one. Maybe one of your loved ones is the same as mine. Don't live in fear of forgetting. Live as a remembrance. And it isn't too late. You probably have some unresolved issues with that person(s). It is time to move on, and just change. Make the change that you wish you would have before they died. Live the life you have been given.

And if you forget the day that you used to fear, reflect on what you actually did that day. Maybe you will realize that you honored them not by removing yourself from the world, but rather by living your life for others. Or maybe it's time to change the way you live every day, and not just one day. Don't worry about a day forgotten, go experience a life lived.


How are you living (or going to start living) to honor someone you have lost?

A Hill to Die on

The Christian Church in America is up in arms. A flagship mission organization has issued a statement on homosexuality, and both sides are excited: some with anger and some with elation. Many are thinking about pulling support from the organization- and some already have.
"This is the battleground," people will say. "We gotta win the war on marriage; it's a war we must not lose!" Homosexuality is a direct, full on affront to God's ordained plan for the world. We cannot let it take place in America. America is doomed, damned, if homosexual marriage becomes a reality. It is a slap in the face to God, who designed things to be a certain way.

The reality is that the war on marriage has already been lost in America. It was decided long ago, and the church didn't do too much about it. It's something that Jesus actually does talk about by name, and not just by association: divorce. In America, people can get divorced without proof of infidelity, abuse, etc. They can get divorced on a whim, with no strings attached. It is called No-Fault Divorce.  See, the thing about marriage is it is not just a "union before God." Marriage is also a very public act, binding someone to another person and giving that person certain rights and responsibilities. It is an earthly covenant; some people make that covenant before God, while others choose to make it only before a judge. When no-fault divorce was legislated, the effect was that people were not held to their covenant responsibilities in America.

No-fault divorce destroyed the institution of marriage. It was exactly what the Pharisees were asking about in Matthew 19 ("Can a person get divorced for any reason??"), and Jesus said that was totally off from God's intended purpose. Jesus talks about marriage as something that binds one man to one woman, unites them for service and selfless love. Many Christians are debating the one man and one woman part. But I would contend that the American Church has by and large given up on the "binding" part.

The church is ignoring the conversation about divorce (not to mention pre-marital sex). It has become a norm in society and is not talked about much anymore. Many Christians are willing to die on the hill of homosexual marriage, but it is merely one side of a much bigger issue. If Christians want to die on the hill of marriage, that is all good and well, but please make sure it is upholding the whole of marriage. Talk about divorce, call people out for it, hold them accountable. Talk about pre-marital sex, tell children they are throwing away a precious gift from God, call out their parents for doing the same. Talk about pornography and how it is destroying how people view the opposite sex and totally objectifies men and women. And take it to the government! Demand that marriage actually be a binding covenant between two people: what God has put together, let man not put asunder. Demand that the multi-billion dollar porn industry be shut down. Please, don't stop halfway up the hill. Take your cross to the top, and die there.

But Jesus did not die on that hill. Jesus thought marriage was pretty important. Jesus thought a lot of things were important. But what he thought was most important was that people were separated from God and his love. People didn't know that their Creator cared. Can you believe it- God cares deeply for them, and they think he hates them! So Jesus came to this earth, met with adulterers, prostitutes, divorcees, and all kinds of people with shady lives. And he showed them God's love. He showed them that they had a place to belong. It offended a lot of "religious" people, because they didn't think those people were worth the love of God. They need to follow a bunch of rules to earn God's favor. Jesus had no room for those people- he actually refused to let them believe such a thing. He took his stand. Jesus called out people for refusing to care for those that God cared about. Jesus wanted sinners to know God's forgiveness and grace. That is the hill Jesus died on. The "religious" leaders condemned him because he opposed the rules, and they nailed him to a cross on the top of a hill.
I want to follow Jesus. That's the hill I want to die on. I don't want to give up my life for rules. I want to be so stubborn about people knowing that God has given them a place to belong in Jesus, regardless of where they have been, that it is offensive. Showing the unbelievable grace of God does not negate his truth. But, as Jesus proved, it is the only hill to die on.

Light in the darkness

No one would come here, unless they had to.
No one would walk these streets, unless they were forced to.
No one would live here, unless they had nowhere else to go.

It's depressing to live here. It's depressing to be surrounded by dirty cars, dilapidated roads, demolished and disgusting homes. If you can even call these homes. The one place with Christmas lights up- they never take them down, and not even half of them work. You can see, smell, taste decay. The forlorn face of a five year old, the toothless woman, the alcoholic father: it's dark here. And everybody knows it.

The neighborhood with the perfectly manicured yards, the brand new cars, the swing set in the back: it seems different. Christmas lights strung up perfectly, Rudolph's red nose flashing on the rooftop. The neighborhood where people are happy to live, not scared to go out at night, where people want to raise a family: it seems different.

But it's not. It's dark there, too. Families are broken, guns are smoking, and children are toking just the same. You just can't see it from the road. The decay is on the inside, while the outside seems squeaky clean. It's dark here, even if the neighbors don't know it.

Can we evade brokenness? Can we outrun darkness? Can we escape the hopeless place which is the face of this earth? Can we ever expect peace, or are we just waiting for the darkness to consume us? The sun burns bright for half the day, if we're lucky. But it's not enough. It can't burn through the darkness, through my darkness. 93 million miles away is close enough to warm my face, but not my heart.

I need the sun to touch me. I need the sun to move into my neighborhood. I need the sun to do away with the dirt, dust, dilapidation. I need light to shine.

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Into this brokenness, this darkness, Jesus moved in. Into this dust, this decay, Jesus took up residence. Not afraid of trailer parks or private drives, Jesus moved in.

He didn't want merely to do away with darkness; he wanted to touch it, to consume it, to overcome it. He came close. Jesus dwelt in the dirt, in the darkness, born in a barn and born in flesh. And the light shined. Did away with disease, defeated way, loved the loveless, gave hope to the hopeless, made the world clear for the blind. Destroyed death. Destroyed darkness.

God cares about people in darkness. 93 million miles was too far for him; he wanted to dwell with his people. He wanted to be Immanuel- God with us. He wanted those living in darkness to know that he delighted in them, to feel the warmth of the sun in their hearts, to see the light of day in their world. He wanted them to dream in the daylight, a dream of what their streets would look like with Christmas lights not just hanging up during the winter, but rather the Christmas Light hanging out there year round. Dwelling there, year round. He wanted them to live in the security of his hope, his love, his peace, his joy.

The people walking in darkness have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you as people rejoice at the harvest,
as warriors rejoice when dividing the plunder.
For as in the day of Midian’s defeat, you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders,
    the rod of their oppressor.
Every warrior’s boot used in battle and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning, will be fuel for the fire.
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given,
    and the government will be on his shoulders.And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness
    from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.

Isaiah 9:2-7

Tomorrow is the Resurrection

In my first week of being a "pastor-in-training" I got asked if I wanted to make a hospital call, to go and visit someone who was in the hospital. It wasn't going to be a normal hospital visit; Bruce was on his deathbed. He had less than forty-eight hours to live. He had a white blood cell count in the millions. He had a misdiagnosed disease that was now destined to destroy his life. Just a week earlier, Bruce was on the golf course, thinking he had a normal life, and now, he was surrounded by his children, grandchildren, wife, and siblings. Dying. "He could die tomorrow," the pastor told me, "he could die today."

I had never witnessed such an intimate, vulnerable, raw time with a family before. These people were gathered together to take their last communion with their father. They were staring death in the face, and they didn't know what to do. They were lost in emotion, fear, and pain. So they did the only thing they knew to do: run to the cross, cling to the heavenly Meal, the foretaste of the feast to come. Hold on to the promises of the Prince of Peace, even- no especially- in the presence of pain and powerlessness.

I saw Bruce in church last week. Three months after getting a two day death-notice, he is still living. He made it through three death sentences, and he is close to full remission. Walking, laughing, golfing, living. He willingly admits he has experienced the miraculous. But the changed heart is something that is not as seen. He has a new perspective on life, on God, and especially on death. 

Last week, the Church celebrated "All Saints Day." The Church celebrated all the Christians who have died in the faith, the faithful lives they lived, and the hope we all have in the resurrection from the dead. Bruce's family would have been celebrating his life, and their hope that Jesus would raise him from the dead. Instead, they were celebrating his life with him. But Bruce was still celebrating the resurrection from the dead.

"Tomorrow is the resurrection," he told me. "One day you die, and the next is the Resurrection." Bruce's words hit me. I was standing in the presence of a man who should have died but was living. A man who should be awaiting Tomorrow. And I was. His experience had brought him to the realization that we are all awaiting Tomorrow, whether we're in the grave or not. Our hope lies in the resurrection of Jesus Christ, the one who died but lives. The one who has power over life and death. The one who can do anything.

We are all awaiting Tomorrow, when we will be renewed, in the presence of God, laughing, running, and jumping. We are all awaiting Tomorrow, when we will sit at the Table and feast, no more foretastes. We are all awaiting tomorrow, when we will be reunited with our loved ones who have died before us. Being touched by death made it evident to Bruce, and to me as well. We have hope, even in the face of death.

And, no matter where we are, Tomorrow isn't looking too bad.

Empty Pews

I had the opportunity to preach last weekend. I love preaching. I love being able to impact another person's heart and soul, to confront their perception of reality with transcendent Reality. It is a job I do not take lightly, nor should it be taken lightly.

The church I work at records sermons to put on the web and to give to those people who can't make it on Sundays. I found out this morning that my sermon didn't record right. In the process of finalization, it was all lost. So I'm going to have to re-record it, this time in front of empty pews.

People apologized for the inconvenience this would cause for me. There will be no energy, no feedback, no faces to engage. There will be no build up to the sermon with a wonderful rendition of "Build Your Kingdom Here", no prayers, no praise. Just me, and a microphone, and empty pews.

I look out on empty pews, reminded of the faces that filled them just a couple days before. And I wonder. Did my message change them? Did they live this Monday differently from the one before?
But, as I get ready, I reflect on reality. I do have a listener. I do have two ears and one heart listening in on this sermon, and they might be the most crucial. My own. I get the opportunity to impact hundreds of people's lives through my words, but if my own heart is left unchanged, it is all for naught. If the cause I communicate is so un-compelling that it does not change me, then I have no reason to expect that it should impact others. No reason to utter anything. Will my Monday be different from the one before?

So, I prepare for empty pews. I prepare for one person. The Preacher himself. I have been caught up in a Story, in a Message. And that story is changing my life. And I ask my hearers to go where I am going, too. That means when I tell others to love their spouses, I take that first upon myself. When I tell others to give back- I must take it seriously. We go together on a journey of faith; I am not special. I walk together with all others, asking them if they will come with me on a journey, a journey of re-formation, integration. A journey where we follow a Savior who first traversed the Way he leads us on. A journey with a Savior who bids, "Come, follow me." We go on a journey where the pews must be empty for the Message to move.

The Alpha and Omega (part 2)

Last week, I started a poem on Psalm 119. The psalm is an acrostic of sorts, representing all the letters of the Hebrew alphabet. And so it continues...


ל

Lord, your word and faithfulness carry on forever.
Laws of yours endure unto eternity, preserving my life for just as long.
Limits are put on everything- wealth, fame, goodness- but your commands are without limit.

מ

Meditating on your words, Lord, brings such richness to my life.
More wisdom, more insight, more understanding, more life: all mine because of your word.
My mouth drips with honey when I taste the morsels of Truth and goodness found in your Book.

נ

Now I can see on my path, thanks to the light of your Word!
Not only do I struggle from my own faults, others are doing their best to knock me off your path.
Nevertheless, I have set my heart on keeping your decrees, on sticking to this path forever.

ס

Sick, sinister, sinful people disgust me, and their intolerance for your Word makes me sad.
Sustain me, even though I am tempted to be like those people. You are my only source of life.
Seeing how you deal with sin scares me to death; I stand in awe of your sovereignty.

ע

I am your servant; help me to understand your command, so that I can carry it out.
I am doing my part, Lord. I am looking for you in all places and following your law.
It is time for you to act now, Lord. Punish the lawbreakers, and make my reward your Word.

פ

Pure light pours forth from the unfolding of your words.
Powerful waters permeate the dry desert where your words were lacking.
Please, Lord, place me in your presence, and let no sin rule over me.

צ

Tsunami-like zeal keeps me focused on your statutes.
Tsk, tsk, all you who ignore God's Word! Oh, I'm getting tired of saying it.
Tsk, tsk, you who are distressed and displeased! God's Word could be your delight!

ק

Quietly, in the night, even before the dawn, I meditate on your promises to save me.
Quell the restlessness within me, the fear I have from evil near me.
Quickly have I learned that you are near, O Lord, and your word is in my heart and my mouth.

ר

Redeem me Lord, buy me back, even the worst parts of me; I know you are compassionate.
Rescue me from persecution and pain. I know you use them for your purposes, but I am ready,
Ready and waiting for the fulfillment of your eternal promises. Preserve my life!

ש

Shudder at the power of people? Never. But I tremble when I hear the Lord speak a single word!
Shaking notwithstanding, your words bring me such joy, and I seek to obey them with all my heart.
Shalom, complete peace, comes to all of those who love your law, Lord, and keep your commands.

ת

The lips and tongue you gave me can do nothing but shout and sing, pray and praise your name!
These laws you left us sustain me in this place.
Though I wander like I'm lost, seek me out and find me, Lord. Make me yours.

The Alpha and Omega (part 1)

Psalm 119 is long. Really long. 176 verses long. And this makes it a very intimidating Psalm to read.
But Psalm 119 is a beautiful poem, containing some beautiful truths about the Word of God. And, even though it takes 176 verses, the Psalm doesn't exhaust how much can be said about God's Word for us and to us.

And, tragically, our English Bibles hide some of the rich imagery of Psalm 119. You see, the poem is an acrostic of the entire alphabet. Eight verses dedicated to just one letter, then on to the next. Our vocabulary finds its fulfillment in the very vernacular of our God. From A to Z, Alpha to Omega, Aleph to Taw, our language is rooted in the loving law of God. So, what follows is my attempt at bringing some justice to the aspect of God's all-encompassing Word to the poem, Psalm 119.

 

א

All your commands are good,
Anyone who perfectly keeps them- blessed.
Ah! If only I could... I will Lord, bless me!

ב

Boys have a huge hill to climb to get to holiness,
But I am doing it by dwelling on your word day and night.
Behind every action of mine is the desire to honor and praise you.

ג

Give me life, Lord, do good to me.
Going on this path, I see only what you show me, since my home is with you.
Governors and statesmen mock me, but I find my peace and delight in you.

ד

Deal with me, Lord, when I'm down in the dust and weary with worry.
Determining my path based on your word, my heart is set on understanding.
Don't let me be bound up, for I run fast and free on the way of truth.

ה

Halt, stop, the evil within me, Lord, and turn me toward your righteous words and ways.
Here, right now, I demand you take me by the hand, instruct my head and heart in your holy decrees.
How I long, o Lord, for the fulfillment of your promise! Preserve my life in your righteousness.

ו

Words come at me from all directions, but I hold fast to yours Lord. Keep them coming!
Where obedience means freedom- that's where I will walk.
Whenever words are demanded from me, I will put forth the ones I love- yours.

ז

Zeal for your ancient words brings me comfort, even when people are zealous for wickedness.
Zap my name, you arrogant mockers, but you cannot take away my hope and promise.
Zero songs will I sing, O Lord, if my song is not your decrees, your name, your Torah.

ח

Counting on you, I am sure I will have more than enough- forever.
Consider my ways - so much different from the wicked - as I walk, guided by your face.
Continue to fill me with your love, oh Lord, as the whole earth is filled with your love.

ט

Teach me knowledge, teach me goodness, teach me service.
Tainted, tarnished, tattered: when you afflicted me, God, it pushed me to trust in you even more.
Tons of cash, tireless fame, or time in the spotlight couldn't keep me from keeping your decrees.

י

You are the maker of the earth, You are the giver of wisdom, You are the reason for hope and joy.
You love me without fail, even when others don't.
You are life-giving, life-sustaining; give me life and sustain me. You are "I am."

כ

"Keep going, keep going!" I tell myself, as I press on, tired, toward your salvation.
Kindness is a byword in the mouth of my enemies, and I'm tempted to say the same about you God...
Keep me in your Word and remind me of your love, especially in these troubling times.