Silence

Silence.
...
......
Leaving two lines devoid of words is almost too much time not caught up in something else. Something other than, well, silence. I should almost just skip this blog and go back to a page that will allow me to look at events, pictures, posts. There will be plenty to think about there.

No, I will think about silence today. I will practice silence today.
Even as I sit typing this, there is no silence.
     A clock ticks, a car accelerates, children laugh as they walk to school.
The strike of the keys on my keyboard puts more than just words on this page; they provide a          comforting click-click-click to make sure I do not sit in silence.

There's more noise, unobserved by the rest of the world. Thoughts darting in and out of my head, planning out my day, worrying about the days to come, and constantly feeling like there is something else that needs to get done.
There is something else I should be working on. There is something else to fill this silence.

Silence is uncomfortable. It's unsettling There is... time. Time to confront yourself, to ask the tough questions.
   Who am I, really?
     What am I doing here?
       Why am I trying to accomplish this?
          When will I finally learn that?
             Am I a good husband/brother/son/student?
               Am I really in control of my life?
My neighbor's dog barks as she leaves her apartment, allowing me the opportunity to stop asking such perilous questions.

Today, I will practice silence. But what does that mean? Not talking to others- maybe, but I see people all the time walking around with headphones or staring at a screen, much more sucked into sound than any person talking. Shall I remove myself from the world? But I must stay in the world; I have no time to leave my job, my worries, my thoughts. I must remain here, where I am in control.

The sirens blare past my apartment. God, I am trying to sit in silence! Do you think the violence could hold off for a few more minutes??

Psalm 46
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
 ......

Come and see what the Lord has done,
the desolations he has brought on the earth.
He makes wars cease
to the ends of the earth.
He breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the shields^[d] with fire.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. 

I am surrounded by noise. More than that, I am surrounded by brokenness and wars and crashing waves. But God is the one who is in control. God makes wars cease, and God holds me, even when the earth gives way.
Therefore, I will be still, and know that he is God. I will be still. I will be calm, confident. I will be still, and I will think about what it means that God is our fortress, even though the earth gives out and life looks pretty hopeless. I will rest securely, because the Lord Almighty is with me; the God of Jacob is my fortress. His profound protection leaves me in...

Silence.